These days I rarely have a spare time. Most of my time is nursing time since day one of my newborn baby: breastfeeding the baby, bathing the baby, playing with baby, sleeping with baby, and changing diaper. As a new mom, I've been warned about baby blues by my colleagues and by my own self. I've been well aware of it, not only because I'm a psychiatry resident, but also I knew I was prone to it 'cause I often suffer from mood swing during my periods. It was also getting worse when I was pregnant and it did happen to me for about two weeks postpartum. I am a very hormonal person.
The first four days were fine, I got all resources I needed. The nurses, midwives, and doctors were really helpful. My family too. I got enough rest, meals, medications, and affections for me and my baby. The one and only complaint I had, and not that bad, was the spinal headache. Hence, I still got an excellent treatment. Once I came home, I felt so much pain on my left nipple, while the right nipple was too short and can't seem to satisfy the baby. The milk was trapped and the pain was amplified. What made it worse was that I had not yet bought the breast-pump, so I had to pumped it manually. I was so pissed.
The next day was another thing. Even after I pumped my breast (my hubby bought the electric one right away in the morning) and used the nipple cream, the pain was still there. I started to cry alone in the bathroom. I hated my husband when he fell asleep and didn't help me when the baby woke up. Right when I had the worst thought about him, I remembered how he had helped me all day. He woke up early then washed all of our clothes along with the baby's, he cleaned and sterilised the baby's bottles, he also played with her when I was too exhausted and asked for a time out. He did all those things without a single complaint. It made me felt guilty and cried.
When my mother-in-law came to help and handled the baby all day long to let me rest, I got annoyed. I felt like I was separated from my baby. I hated it when she bathed her in a way that was different with how I used to do it. But then, the guilty feeling came again and I cried.
I hated to see anyone. I hated it more when my mom asked me to dress nicely when they were coming. I was already so tired with all these nursing stuffs and my mom fussed me just because I didn't dress 'right'. And I really wanted to punch one of my neighbour for keep saying, "But actually you could did it (deliver the baby) without C-section, right?" after I answered that I had C-section to her question.
The worst was when I breastfed my baby and I couldn't look at her with motherly love. I got easily angry if she did not behave the way I wanted her to behave. I cried a lot in the bathroom for so much things I felt guilty about. I felt useless. I was sleep deprived. Soon I was aware that these whole things were baby blues syndrome and I should overcome it and not let it be postpartum depression (PPD). I've learnt a lot last semester about how the insecure attachment happens because of PPD and how it affects the inner world and the personality of the baby later on. I want my kid to be healthy, physically and mentally.
So, I accepted that these uncomfortable feelings was baby blues syndrome and that it was okay to feel it, even if I were a psychiatry resident. All women could suffer from it. Then, I started to make changes with my life. I started to eat more nutritious food, drink a lot of water, do the pump routinely, sleep when the baby is asleep, always keep myself clean and entertained. Last but not least, always communicate, when you need to leave the baby for toilet business or when you have something bothering you, talk to someone you trust. By the end of the second week, it got a lot better. Now, I can do everything with my kid without feeling bored or annoyed. Though I still get a little bit overwhelmed when I lack of sleep.
If you or your loved one is pregnant, always remember to be informed about mental problems that can bother the nursing, accept the feeling, communicate, ask for help, and get support. If by the end of the second week it doesn't get any better or even get worse, seek for professional help.
The first four days were fine, I got all resources I needed. The nurses, midwives, and doctors were really helpful. My family too. I got enough rest, meals, medications, and affections for me and my baby. The one and only complaint I had, and not that bad, was the spinal headache. Hence, I still got an excellent treatment. Once I came home, I felt so much pain on my left nipple, while the right nipple was too short and can't seem to satisfy the baby. The milk was trapped and the pain was amplified. What made it worse was that I had not yet bought the breast-pump, so I had to pumped it manually. I was so pissed.
The next day was another thing. Even after I pumped my breast (my hubby bought the electric one right away in the morning) and used the nipple cream, the pain was still there. I started to cry alone in the bathroom. I hated my husband when he fell asleep and didn't help me when the baby woke up. Right when I had the worst thought about him, I remembered how he had helped me all day. He woke up early then washed all of our clothes along with the baby's, he cleaned and sterilised the baby's bottles, he also played with her when I was too exhausted and asked for a time out. He did all those things without a single complaint. It made me felt guilty and cried.
When my mother-in-law came to help and handled the baby all day long to let me rest, I got annoyed. I felt like I was separated from my baby. I hated it when she bathed her in a way that was different with how I used to do it. But then, the guilty feeling came again and I cried.
I hated to see anyone. I hated it more when my mom asked me to dress nicely when they were coming. I was already so tired with all these nursing stuffs and my mom fussed me just because I didn't dress 'right'. And I really wanted to punch one of my neighbour for keep saying, "But actually you could did it (deliver the baby) without C-section, right?" after I answered that I had C-section to her question.
The worst was when I breastfed my baby and I couldn't look at her with motherly love. I got easily angry if she did not behave the way I wanted her to behave. I cried a lot in the bathroom for so much things I felt guilty about. I felt useless. I was sleep deprived. Soon I was aware that these whole things were baby blues syndrome and I should overcome it and not let it be postpartum depression (PPD). I've learnt a lot last semester about how the insecure attachment happens because of PPD and how it affects the inner world and the personality of the baby later on. I want my kid to be healthy, physically and mentally.
So, I accepted that these uncomfortable feelings was baby blues syndrome and that it was okay to feel it, even if I were a psychiatry resident. All women could suffer from it. Then, I started to make changes with my life. I started to eat more nutritious food, drink a lot of water, do the pump routinely, sleep when the baby is asleep, always keep myself clean and entertained. Last but not least, always communicate, when you need to leave the baby for toilet business or when you have something bothering you, talk to someone you trust. By the end of the second week, it got a lot better. Now, I can do everything with my kid without feeling bored or annoyed. Though I still get a little bit overwhelmed when I lack of sleep.
If you or your loved one is pregnant, always remember to be informed about mental problems that can bother the nursing, accept the feeling, communicate, ask for help, and get support. If by the end of the second week it doesn't get any better or even get worse, seek for professional help.
