A Sacrifice

05.20

once, i had a dream.
it was a big dream.
and i felt like i wasn't going to ruin it.
i comitted myself to run for it.
no matter what.

then came a day.
i had to choose.
'cuz it would lead my way to the future.

you know.
like i used to know before.
i should choose the way that would make my dream come true.
but then.
noone agreed it.

"what are you gonna be?"

"you have no capability"

"you dont have the basic"

and everything in between.


i confused.
i didn't want to lose my chance.
i wanted to be what i wanted to be.
but noone agreed.

they wanted me to be someone else.
someone that they believe can make them proud of me.

i asked myself.
"am i ready for it?"
"am i ready? losing something i believed?"
"losing my big dream?"
"just to make them proud?"
"i've given them pride for years"
"so, will i give them pride for years more?"
"when can i get my own pride?"
"pride of something that i run for?"
"am i ready for being someone else?"


...
i decided long ago
never to walk in anyone's shadow
if i failed if i succeed
at least i live as i believe
no matter what they take from me
they cant take away my dignity
...


i asked my bestfriend.
"what do you think?"
"what should i choose?"
"what's the best for me?"


and she said.
"you can be whatever you want"
"you have the capability"
"you'll be succeed no matter what your choice"
"just believe in your self"


and so...
i drowned in a deep thought.

once, i heard my grandpa asked my mom.
"so, what's her choice?"
"i hope she'll choose the same way as you did"
"that was a big pride"
"not only for me"
"but also for humanity and god"
"helping people is good indeed"


that words were always ringing in my head.
and it changed everything.
i leaved my dream behind.
and started to face the world with a new dream.

now, when i'm trying to make it come true.
it seems so hard.
and i question myself, once again.
"am i really really ready for this?"
"do i have the capability?"
"will i be succeed?"


i still can't find the answer.
but, the one i know.
i will never give up again.
'cuz it's not only a dream.
it's not only a pride.
it's a sacrifice.

...
so god, help me.
lead my way to my dream.
...  

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